By Chad Doering
Being a jackass got Bam Margera two Lamborghinis, a castle in the rolling hills of West Chester, Pennsylvania and Missy Rothstein, one of the hottest fiancées on the planet. The two star in Bam's Unholy Union, the newest and wildest of MTV's celebrity reality wedding shows. Newlyweds, it ain't! One reason is the extremely hot, extremely devoted future Miss Margera. How devoted? Well, it was her idea to arrange a stint as a guest Playboy photographer as a wedding gift for her betrothed. Bam was happy to oblige.
Missy wanted to shoot outdoors and -- in keeping with the Gothic theme of Bam's crib -- requested knights in full body armor. Philly in December is only slightly warmer than the North Pole, and snow flurried before Missy finished her makeup. While their armor shielded the knights from the elements, Missy's skimpy leather corset wasn't going to protect her from frostbite. Those hardships barely fazed Missy; after all, if you live with Bam Margera, you had better learn to roll with the punches, or at least know when to duck. Bam and his boys dug a fire pit and boiled a caldron which threw off some heat. Problem solved.
With a virtual army of MTV cameras rolling, Bam anxiously awaited Missy's grand entrance. He popped a bottle of champagne, poured a glass and planned out the shoot. When Missy finally came outside draped in an appropriately purple fur, she had the entire crew wondering what was underneath.
"Bam, that better not be our honeymoon champagne you're drinking," Missy quipped.
"It's not," Bam barked back. "Now get over here, it's cold!"
Bam's Gothic living room was the perfect set for part deux of the shoot. Missy changed into something more comfortable and hopped onto a purple velvet chaise in front of dripping candles and a 15-foot steel "heart-o-gram" mounted on the wall. Bam poured another drink and directed a fantasy that clearly he has had since he saw his first Playboy. With every toy in the world at his disposal, Bam could easily have been distracted, but when Missy posed and undressed, tunnel vision set in. As he directed his muse through pose after pose, it was clear that this is a man who knows what he wants. Luckily for him, his fantasy will live forever.
After the shoot, Bam's boys gathered around to see the sexy shots. Bam gave them a few glimpses on a laptop. Then he picked Missy up in his arms and carried her off into the night, saying he had to take care of some "APF."
"What's that?" we asked.
That's "After Playboy Fucking," Bam said.